Types of Ineffective Listening
All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Just like happiness [or happy families], effective listening is fairly easy to describe. Our page on Effective Listening provides a model that is generally applicable to most situations. However, there are many, many different ways to listen ineffectively, and a huge number of barriers that may prevent or hinder listening.
However, we can also identify some particular categories of ineffective listening. John Stoker, an author and communications teachers, has identified seven different types. They are:
1. Evaluative listening
Evaluative listeners spend all their time evaluating what you are saying, and making judgements about it. You can spot an evaluative listener, because they will always respond with either agreement or disagreement [or possibly both, in the form of ‘yes, but…’].
The big problem with these listeners is that they are hearing everything from their own point of view. Everything is passed through a prism of their own experiences and opinions. This means that they often miss critical information simply because it does not fit with their view of the world.
The other problem is that speaker and listener can get into a negative spiral of argument and counter-argument. Instead of building on each other’s communication, they are engaged in knocking it down.
2. Assumptive listening
Assumptive listeners make assumptions about the speaker’s meaning or intention—and usually before the speaker has finished.
They may therefore finish other people’s sentences, or jump in with a response before the speaker has really finished. Engaging with an assumptive listener is hard work, because you constantly have to go back and explain your meaning again because they have interpreted it incorrectly.
3. Self-protective listening
Here, the listener is so wrapped up in their own situation and/or emotional response to it that they simply have no brain-space to hear or concentrate on anything else.
In other words, they are NOT really listening at all, and they are certainly not engaging with what anyone else says. It is a moot point whether this should actually be described as ‘listening’ at all—except that these listeners will often be nodding and smiling, and generally looking like they are engaging with what is being said. However, when they come to respond, it will be obvious that they have not really heard or taken on board anything that is said.
These listeners often simply repeat their negative stories over and over again—and with increasing levels of negative emotion. The only way out is to break the spiral [see box].
A way out
Self-protective listeners may need help to break out of their ‘vicious spiral’. Transactional analysis offers some clues about how to do this, suggesting that they may be in ‘Child’ mode. This makes them turn inward, and want to avoid anything that might be threatening, like other ideas.
To help them, you will have to ‘hook’ their Child with sympathy, then find a way to engage the Adult.
There is more about this in our page on Transactional Analysis.
4. Judgemental listening
Judgemental listeners will constantly criticise what speakers are saying. This type of listening is similar to evaluative listening, but usually with more negativity and less opportunity to respond. These listeners often have preconceived ideas about the speaker [for example, bias or prejudice based on how they look, or their background]. This may prevent them from considering the speaker’s ideas with an open mind.
This type of listening tends to result in the speaker shutting down, and refusing to provide any more information. Being constantly criticised quickly becomes unpleasant.
5. Affirmative listening
Affirmative listening is more or less the polar opposite of judgemental listening. Affirmative listeners only ‘hear’ messages with which they agree. They therefore only listen for points that they can support, and not those that show different opinions.
Having an affirmative listener is at first quite pleasant. They tend to agree with you, which is nice. However, after a while, you realise that they only agree with some points—and possibly not very important ones—but refuse to engage with anything else.
The problem here is that these people only listen for themselves. They want their opinion to be validated—and have no real interest in anyone else. This quickly gets one-sided and tiresome, especially if you are genuinely interested in a debate that explores different perspectives.
6. Defensive listening
A defensive listener takes everything that is said as a personal attack.
These people therefore feel the need to defend themselves against everything, and to justify everything that they say. They often use the phrase ‘Yes, but…’, because they have no interest in building on any other communication—only to justify themselves. They also find it hard to explore other points of view, because anything different is a threat.
7. Authoritative listening
Authoritative listeners listen solely in order to advise. They always know best, and are always ready to tell you what to do.
You can often spot authoritative listeners by the use of the words ‘You should…’ or ‘You need…’ in their sentences.
A Common Thread?
You may have spotted that all these types of ineffective listening are related to the listener’s attitude. They may perceive a problem with the speaker, or simply have a ‘mental block’ about the subject.
Whatever the cause, their pattern of thinking is not conducive to genuine, effective listening.
It is affecting how they relate to other people, and the messages that they hear in other people’s communication. These attitudes may have many causes, such as
Preconceived ideas or bias
These mean that you are not open to other people’s ideas and opinions. Biases may be personal or cultural. For example, in some cultures, ideas are only considered acceptable from those in senior positions [and you may be interested in our page on Intercultural Awareness for more examples like this]. You may not trust the speaker on a personal level, and therefore find it hard to be open to their ideas on an intellectual level.
Previous experiences
These may affect your expectations about people and/or topics or situations. We are all influenced by previous experiences in life. We respond to people based on personal appearance, how initial introductions or welcomes were received and/or previous interpersonal encounters. This may affect how you approach an individual. You may also find that someone says something that reminds you of a previous experience, and you start to think about that instead of listening. The key here is to consider whether your previous experience is going to be helpful—and if not, set it aside.
Having a closed mind.
We all have ideals and values that we believe to be correct. It can therefore be difficult to listen to contradictory views. However, the key to effective listening and interpersonal skills more generally is the ability to open your mind, and take time to understand why others think about things differently to you—and then use this information to gain a better understanding of the speaker.
Pre-Listening
The listening process begins before you start physically listening to someone else speak. A good listener will use pre-listening strategies whenever possible. For example, if a good listener knows he has a class on 20th century philosophy on Wednesday, he will read up on the subject before attending the lecture. He may rely on encyclopedias and textbooks to get the most basic and authoritative take on the subject. Once he has done his reading, a good listener may try to ascertain what the speaker's purpose for speaking is, giving him an them advantage in contextualizing what he hears. Inneffective listeners, by contrast, won't do any reading beforehand.