What is the skill paraphrasing with respect to listening?

Reflecting and Paraphrasing

Part of the ‘art of listening’ is making sure that the client knows their story is being listened to.

This is achieved by the helper/counsellor repeating back to the client parts of their story. This known as paraphrasing.

Reflecting is showing the client that you have‘heard’ not only what is being said, but also what feelings and emotions the client is experiencing when sharing their story with you.

This is sometimes known in counselling ‘speak ‘as the music behind the words.

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It is like holding up a mirror to the client;repeating what they have said shows the client they have your full attention. It also allows the client to make sure you fully understood them;if not, they can correct you.

Reflecting and paraphrasing should not only contain what is being said but what emotion or feeling the client is expressing.

Let’s look at an example:

Client (Mohammed): My ex-wife phoned me yesterday; she told me that our daughter Nafiza (who is only 9) is very ill after a car accident. I am feeling very scared for her. They live in France, so I am going to have to travel to see her, and now I have been made redundant, I don’t know how I can afford to go.

Counsellor: So, Mohammed, you have had some bad news about your little girl, who has been involved in an accident. You are frightened for her and also have worries over money now you have lost your job.

Client: Yes, yes ... that’s right.

Notice that the counsellor does not offer advice or start asking how long Mohammed and his wife have been separated, but reflects the emotion of what is said: ‘frightened' and 'worries'.

Reflecting and paraphrasing arethe first skills we learn as helpers, and they remain the most useful.

To build a trusting relationship with a helper, the client needs not only to be ‘listened to' but also tobe heard and valued as a person.

"Reflecting and paraphrasing should not only contain what is being said but what emotion or feeling the client is expressing."

Signs of Active Listening

Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening

This is a generic list of non-verbal signs of listening, in other words people who are listening are more likely to display at least some of these signs. However these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across all cultures.

Smile

Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.

Eye Contact

It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation. Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.

Posture

Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting. Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.

Mirroring

Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations. Attempting to consciously mimic facial expressions (i.e. not automatic reflection of expressions) can be a sign of inattention.

Distraction

The active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.

See our pages: Non-Verbal Communication, Body Language and Personal Appearance for more information.

Be Aware That:

It is perfectly possible to learn and mimic non-verbal signs of active listening and not actually be listening at all.

It is more difficult to mimic verbal signs of listening and comprehension.