Why do I care what others think of my partner

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Aug 20, 2011

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1 Posts

Discussion Starter · #1 · Aug 20, 2011

Hello all,

I want to know if anyone has the same problem that I do. I am 28 and have been affected in some way by SA since my teens. I basically use positive thinking and have an OK grip on it now, barring lots of blushing and never being able to really relax! But all is good, I have a good social life.

However, I am constantly petrified that people don't get along with my girlfriend, or that she might be saying or doing something which might make people not like her. I basically seem to be projecting my own fears onto her and her relationships with other people.

It is really awful and sometimes gets out of control, like for instance, someone said one thing last night about her which could be construed as not 100% entirely positive (though not negative!) and it flipped me out and I couldnt stop thinking about it all night, and I still am now.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Thanksx

Joined Aug 7, 2011

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10 Posts

Im so glad someone else feels the same way.. I have a huge fear of tripping over in public, or in my office for some reason. And out of the blue i suddenly have this massive fear that my boyfriends going to visit me at work, or we'll be out and he'll trip over and i wont know what to do. I cringe just thinking about it, and then feel really bad for even thinking about it in the first place. I should imagine we're bound to project onto those closest to us! Bloody annoying though x

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Apr 27, 2009

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434 Posts

If I had girlfriend, I would have to say not at all. As long as she was happy, I could careless what others think of her.

I would always being worrying what she thinks of me. :blush

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Oct 12, 2010

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435 Posts

I'm so used to people not liking who I date, that I'm used to it. It used to bother me when I was younger but it doesn't anymore.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Feb 11, 2010

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4,517 Posts

Not really. I mean, if people were being nasty or something to my girlfriend then that would be a different matter, but like I don't feel she needs to be popular or anything, nor that what people think of her is important because it might somehow reflect on me.

Everyone has enemies and im sure she can handle herself around people she doesn't get along with.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Mar 19, 2004

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6,868 Posts

When I was younger yes. It's becoming less of an issue for me as I get older.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Apr 16, 2009

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3,318 Posts

The thought does cross my mind, but I use a mental block to keep it out.

The way I think of it is like this: I have seen guys with girlfriends whom I thought were, ugly, tacky, and in some cases just low class (alwayz cussing an' stuff). But I never say it to the guys. After all it is his choice.

So I think to myself, if I can think that about his girlfriend, then he can think whatever he wants about my girlfriend.

Now if someone insults her in my face.... well ; let's hope that doesn't happen.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Aug 9, 2011

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3,310 Posts

My anxiety levels seem to go through the roof when this happens, but it usually means I'm still insecure about the relationship or haven't gained the trust of her yet. My way of coping is to get into the frame of mind, me and her VS. the world. Since there's a lot of jealous people that love to break up relationships cause their a-holes. Might as well enjoy pissing them off more.

Joined Jun 12, 2004

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1,756 Posts

I guess I might have some anxiety and awkwardness if my friends and/or family had a particularly adverse reaction. But overall, I don't view a significant other as a social accessory, as so many people my age seem to.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Jan 27, 2011

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12,979 Posts

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Mar 21, 2011

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8,851 Posts

No, I don't care. If someone did say something negative about my bf to me, I'd probably let them have it.

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined May 31, 2010

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7,193 Posts

I've never had a girlfriend, but I seem to be like this with whomever I'm with. When I'm out in public with my parents, sister, supervisor, or anyone else I happen to know, I always get nervous when they talk to someone, or if they argue with someone. I have this tendency to imagine myself in the shoes of the person I'm with, and if I feel like they're getting any kind of negative reactions from people, I feel very stressed and ashamed, as if I were that person.

Joined Jun 20, 2011

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163 Posts

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Apr 22, 2011

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55 Posts

You know, i felt the same way when I was dating my husband, and I finally just came to terms with it and decided how people view him is his business, I love him, and think he's great, but if other people have a bad view of him, thats their problem, because I know hes not all that bad Hope that makes sense

Why do I care what others think of my partner

Joined Jul 21, 2011

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488 Posts

I don't care at all, since if I go out with someone, it is because I really like to be with her.

Anyway, being with a girlfriend is more than being with someone else. It's being with someone that loves you, too. A lover is like a mirror to me, it's a reflection of our mutual love (well, the word "love" is maybe too grand when talking about a relationship, but still). It's a good feeling to know that someone else loves you, and it makes anyone else's opinion on us obsolete.

But of course, that doesn't mean that I can't see the flaws of my partner, it just means that I don't really care what others think of her.

How do you stop caring what people think of your partner?

Ways to stop caring what other people think;.
Their Opinion Is Only That — An Opinion. ... .
Be True To Yourself. ... .
Start Respecting Your Own Opinion. ... .
Surprise: No One Actually Cares! ... .
Just Get Started On Yourself. ... .
Put Yourself Out There. ... .
Educate Yourself..

What is it called when you care too much about what others think of you?

In the worst cases, anxiety about the approval of others can blow up into a debilitating fear, a diagnosable psychological condition called “allodoxaphobia.” Even if it doesn't become a mental illness, worrying about the opinions of others can lower your basic competence in ordinary tasks, such as making decisions.

Why do I care what other people think of me?

It's really healthy to care about what others think of us. That is a normal human response. We want closeness with others and we care about them, so of course we care about what they think and we care about our relationship with them. It's very healthy to care how we're viewed.

Should you share all your partners thoughts?

Creating true intimacy comes from sharing what you are really thinking. By sharing you toxic thoughts, not only can you better understand yourself, your partner can better understand you. Taking this emotional risk frequently builds intimacy.