What are the main strategies to improve listening skills?

10 Steps To Effective Listening

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Use these listening skills.

by Dianne Schilling

You might also enjoy this article: 9 Small Steps That Will Make You Happier, Starting Now

In today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important then ever, yet we seem to devote less and less time to really listening to one another. Genuine listening has become a rare gift—the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. It saves money and marriages.

Here are 10 tips to help you develop effective listening skills.

Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

Talking to someone while they scan the room, study a computer screen, or gaze out the window is like trying to hit a moving target. How much of the person's divided attention you are actually getting? Fifty percent? Five percent? If the person were your child you might demand, "Look at me when I'm talking to you," but that's not the sort of thing we say to a lover, friend or colleague.

In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective communication. When we talk, we look each other in the eye. That doesn't mean that you can't carry on a conversation from across the room, or from another room, but if the conversation continues for any length of time, you [or the other person] will get up and move. The desire for better communication pulls you together.

Do your conversational partners the courtesy of turning to face them. Put aside papers, books, the phone and other distractions. Look at them, even if they don't look at you. Shyness, uncertainty, shame, guilt, or other emotions, along with cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact in some people under some circumstances. Excuse the other guy, but stay focused yourself.

Step 2:Be attentive, but relaxed.

Now that you've made eye contact, relax. You don't have to stare fixedly at the other person. You can look away now and then and carry on like a normal person. The important thing is to be attentive. The dictionary says that to "attend" another person means to:

• be present
• give attention
• apply or direct yourself
• pay attention
• remain ready to serve

Mentally screen out distractions, like background activity and noise. In addition, try not to focus on the speaker's accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distractions. Finally, don't be distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases.

Step 3:Keep an open mind.

Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you. If what she says alarms you, go ahead and feel alarmed, but don't say to yourself, "Well, that was a stupid move." As soon as you indulge in judgmental bemusements, you've compromised your effectiveness as a listener.

Listen without jumping to conclusions. Remember that the speaker is using language to represent the thoughts and feelings inside her brain. You don't know what those thoughts and feelings are and the only way you'll find out is by listening.

Don't be a sentence-grabber. Occasionally my partner can't slow his mental pace enough to listen effectively, so he tries to speed up mine by interrupting and finishing my sentences. This usually lands him way off base, because he is following his own train of thought and doesn't learn where my thoughts are headed. After a couple of rounds of this, I usually ask, "Do you want to have this conversation by yourself, or do you want to hear what I have to say?" I wouldn't do that with everyone, but it works with him.

Step 4:Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.

Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information being communicated. Whether a literal picture, or an arrangement of abstract concepts, your brain will do the necessary work if you stay focused, with senses fully alert. When listening for long stretches, concentrate on, and remember, key words and phrases.

When it's your turn to listen, don’t spend the time planning what to say next. You can't rehearse and listen at the same time. Think only about what the other person is saying.

Finally, concentrate on what is being said, even if it bores you. If your thoughts start to wander, immediately force yourself to refocus.

Step 5:Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."

Children used to be taught that it's rude to interrupt. I'm not sure that message is getting across anymore. Certainly the opposite is being modeled on the majority of talk shows and reality programs, where loud, aggressive, in-your-face behavior is condoned, if not encouraged.

Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It says:

• "I'm more important than you are."
• "What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant."
• "I don't really care what you think."
• "I don't have time for your opinion."
• "This isn't a conversation, it's a contest, and I'm going to win."

We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is onyouto relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicator—or for the guy who has trouble expressing himself.

When listening to someone talk about a problem, refrain from suggesting solutions. Most of us don't want your advice anyway. If we do, we'll ask for it. Most of us prefer to figure out our own solutions. We need you to listen and help us do that. Somewhere way down the line, if you are absolutely bursting with a brilliant solution, at least get the speaker's permission. Ask, "Would you like to hear my ideas?"

Step 6:Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

When you don't understand something, of course you should ask the speaker to explain it to you. But rather than interrupt, wait until the speaker pauses. Then say something like, "Back up a second. I didn't understand what you just said about…"

Step 7:Ask questions only to ensure understanding.

At lunch, a colleague is excitedly telling you about her trip to Vermont and all the wonderful things she did and saw. In the course of this chronicle, she mentions that she spent some time with a mutual friend. You jump in with, "Oh, I haven't heard from Alice in ages. How is she?" and, just like that, discussion shifts to Alice and her divorce, and the poor kids, which leads to a comparison of custody laws, and before you know it an hour is gone and Vermont is a distant memory.

This particular conversational affront happens all the time. Our questions lead people in directions that have nothing to do with wheretheythought they were going. Sometimes we work our way back to the original topic, but very often we don't.

When you notice that your question has led the speaker astray, take responsibility for getting the conversation back on track by saying something like, "It was great to hear about Alice, but tell me more about your adventure in Vermont."

Step 8:Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

If you feel sad when the person with whom you are talking expresses sadness, joyful when she expresses joy, fearful when she describes her fears—and convey those feelings through your facial expressions and words—then your effectiveness as a listener is assured. Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening.

To experience empathy, you have to put yourself in the other person's place and allow yourself to feel what it is like tobe herat that moment. This is not an easy thing to do. It takes energy and concentration. But it is a generous and helpful thing to do, and it facilitates communication like nothing else does.

Step 9:Give the speaker regular feedback.

Show that you understand where the speaker is coming from by reflecting the speaker's feelings. "You must be thrilled!" "What a terrible ordeal for you." "I can see that you are confused." If the speaker's feelings are hidden or unclear, then occasionally paraphrase the content of the message. Or just nod and show your understanding through appropriate facial expressions and an occasional well-timed "hmmm" or "uh huh."

The idea is to give the speaker some proof that you are listening, and that you are following her train of thought—not off indulging in your own fantasies while she talks to the ether.

In task situations, regardless of whether at work or home, always restate instructions and messages to be sure you understand correctly.

Step 10:Pay attention to whatisn'tsaid—to nonverbal cues.

If you exclude email, the majority of direct communication is probably nonverbal. We glean a great deal of information about each other without saying a word. Even over the telephone, you can learn almost as much about a person from the tone and cadence of her voice than from anything she says. When I talk to my best friend, it doesn't matter what we chat about, if I hear a lilt and laughter in her voice, I feel reassured that she's doing well.

Face to face with a person, you can detect enthusiasm, boredom, or irritation very quickly in the expression around the eyes, the set of the mouth, the slope of the shoulders. These are clues you can't ignore. When listening, remember that words convey only a fraction of the message.

Listening Skills Exercise: Summarize, Summarize, Summarize!

For at least one week, at the end of every conversation in which information is exchanged, conclude with a summary statement. In conversations that result in agreements about future obligations or activities, summarizing will not only ensure accurate follow-through, it will feel perfectly natural. In conversations that do not include agreements, if summarizing feels awkward just explain that you are doing it as an exercise.

Dianne Schillingis a writer, editor, graphic artist and instructional designer who specializes in the development of educational materials and customized training programs for business and industry. She holds a masters degree in counseling and is a founding partner of WomensMedia.

You might also enjoy this article:9 Small Steps That Will Make You Happier, Starting Now.

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Improve your listening skills with simple strategies

Anyone can use these simple tips and strategies to better communicate in the office. Not only does listening more effectively ensure that you’re hearing any and all important information, but it also helps you show co-workers that you care about what they have to say. It also improves productivity. With less back and forth, there’s more time to start work on that project you discussed or resolve the customer issue you were just made aware of.

In our digital world, it’s easy to let these listening skills slack. However, everyone benefits when you listen more attentively, so use these strategies to hone your listening skills starting today.

5 Ways To Improve Your Listening Skills

Listening skills are essential to leadership that’s responsive, attentive and empathetic. Here’s how to sharpen yours.

[Photo: Flickr user Magdalena Roeseler]

By Harvey Deutschendorf3 minute Read

4Strategiesfor Effective Listening

1. First of all, listening is an activity; it is not something we do passively. The skill of active listening needs to be applied, be there and stay focused on the person talking, without any distractions. You need to practice active listening daily to get better at it. It requires us to ask questions and give feedback. So here are four basic goals of good listening to consider when entering a conversation:
   - To understand someone
   - To enjoy someone
   - To learn something
   - To give help or solace

   Paraphrasing is a basic tool we often use to listen well. We might use phrases like these:
   - In other words, did you mean…?
   - So how you felt about it was…?
   - Did you mean…?
   - I think what I am hearing you say is…?
   - Correct me if I am wrong…?

   Paraphrasing defines common ground, lets the other person know you understand what it is they are communicating, and it helps them feel understood and appreciated. Listening is a leadership skill that is often overlooked.
   

2. Listen with empathy. This requires us to recognize, acceptand understand that we are doing the best we can and so are others. Try to put yourself in the other individual’s shoes and give him or her the benefit of the doubt. Try to understand where someone else is coming from and treat him or her with kindness as you take in the message. Ask what difficulties the other person is experiencing, and this will help you hear his or her message. Pay attention to their body language, keep an open mind and be careful not to jump to conclusions.
   
3. Be open as you listen. Be careful not to judge and put on your critical parent hat. Do not make your mind up too quickly as you take in the information. Give yourself some time to think and reflect. Try not to come to conclusions too quickly and develop a definitive position based on what you are hearing. Allow yourself to consider different perspectives. Whenever possible have the meeting face to face, or with video conferencing if in person isn't possible, so that you can better understand their thoughts and feelings being expressed nonverbally.
   
4. Listen with awareness.There are two parts to this; compare what is said to your own knowledge, history, people, and the way the world operates; and secondly listen and observe for congruence. Watch for visual cues and try to determine if they match the information you were hearing. Effective communication is a two-way street so make sure that you let them know that they were heard and understood before moving to a new topic.

Here are a Few More Effective Listening Skills:

1. Maintain good eye contact - while not staring.
2. Lean in slightly while not encroaching on someone’s personal space.
3. Reinforce by paraphrasing and giving feedback at the right time.
4. Ask clarifying questions.
5. Try to eliminate distractions and be in the moment.
6. Be committed to understanding the other person.
7. Don't forget about the 5 C's of Leadership Accountability to ensure people do what they say they're going to do.
8. Pay attention to the facial expressions and other nonverbal communication
9. Make sure that you are fulling paying attention, not just hearing the words, but understanding them and their context.
10. Let them know you are actively listening with saying words like uh uh, okay, tell me more, let's dive into that, etc.
11. Put your focus on the speaker, make sure that you give them with your full attention. Don't get distracted by your phone or any other attention stealing objects!
12. Use your effective listening skills to build a human relationship with your colleagues and get a deeper understanding of the situation.
13. Make sure that you ask for additional information if you need it, or find an especially interested topic in your conversation to help show your engagement.
14. Don't try to think about what you are going to say while the other person is talking, stay fully engaged in what they are saying. You'll have plenty of time to offer input later.

Please consider these tips as you enter your next conversation and ask yourself if you are using any of them. It might help you better understand and be better understood.

Need help getting your team aligned to achieve your growth goals? Rhythm systems software was ranked the #1 easiest software to use, highest ROI, fastest implementation, and highest adoption rate on G2.

Want more information on Team Accountability? Check out these additional resources:

The Power of Systems and People:Accountable Leaders and Teams

Listen Up - A Critical Leadership Skill

Take OurTeam Accountability Assessment

Team Accountability Begins with Personal Accountability

How top CEOs Close the Strategy Execution Gap

Building Team Accountability: Job Scorecards

10 Signs of an Accountable Culture [Infographic]

Growing Team Accountability in Your Organization

Quick Tips for Building Accountability

5 Steps to Having an Accountability Discussion [Video]

Learn more aboutaccountable leaders and teams.

Photo Credit:iStockby Getty Images

6 Steps to Improve Listening Skills at Work

January 8, 2020

Employee Development & Retention| Leadership & Management

The most successful leaders are always looking for ways to improve listening skills. Listening is the foundation of effective communication. The ability to actually hear and understand what is being said is critical to establishing and maintaining workable relationships with coworkers and clients, solving problems, resolving conflicts, and reaching organizational goals.

Listening Strategies

Once you have begun to listen on a regular basis, you might still be frustratedby your limited understanding. Here are a few courses of action you can take:

• Accept the fact that you are not going to understand everything.
• Stay relaxed when you do not understand -- even if you continue to have trouble understanding for a while.
• Do not translate into your native language.
• Listen for the gist [or general idea] of the conversation. Don't concentrate on detail until you have understood the main idea[s].

First, translating creates a barrier between the listener and the speaker. Second, most people repeat themselves constantly. By remaining calm, you can usually understand what the speaker had said.