What are two ways that you can show someone that you are actively listening?

How to Practice Active Listening

Active listening involves more than just hearing someone speak. Here are some active listening techniques to master.

Pay Attention [and Show It]

Concentrate fully on what is being said. Listen with all your senses and give your full attention to the speaker. Put away your phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue.

To show the person you're truly tuned in, look at them and be mindful of nonverbal behaviors. Use open, non-threatening body language. Avoid folding your arms. Smile, lean in, and nod at key junctures. Consciously control your facial expressions, avoiding any that convey negative impressions.

Making eye contact is especially important. In general, aim to maintain it for 60% to 70% of the time you spend listening.

Reflect What You Hear

Paraphrase what the person has said, rather than offering unsolicited advice or opinions. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard. Mirroring what the person has said helps them feel validated and understood.

Withhold Judgment

Remain neutral and non-judgmental in your responses so that the person feels safe enough to continue sharing their thoughts. Make the conversation a safe zone where the person can trust they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Avoid "yes or no" questions; they often produce dead-end answers. Instead, ask open-ended questions about the person to show you are interested in them and to encourage thoughtful, expansive responses.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

Be Patient

Don't interrupt, fill periods of silence with speech, finish the person's sentences, or top the story [for example, saying "that reminds me of the time I..."]. Similarly, listen to understand, not to respond. That is, don't prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking; the last thing they say might change the meaning of what they've already said. Don't change the subject abruptly; this conveys boredom and impatience.

When you listen actively, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.

Much like a therapist listening to a client, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with your own ideas and opinions about what is being said.

Signs of Active Listening

Non-Verbal Signs of Attentive or Active Listening

This is a generic list of non-verbal signs of listening, in other words people who are listening are more likely to display at least some of these signs. However these signs may not be appropriate in all situations and across all cultures.

Smile

Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is paying attention to what is being said or as a way of agreeing or being happy about the messages being received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles can be powerful in affirming that messages are being listened to and understood.

Eye Contact

It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers – gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any given situation. Combine eye contact with smiles and other non-verbal messages to encourage the speaker.

Posture

Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting. Other signs of active listening may include a slight slant of the head or resting the head on one hand.

Mirroring

Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial expressions used by the speaker can be a sign of attentive listening. These reflective expressions can help to show sympathy and empathy in more emotional situations. Attempting to consciously mimic facial expressions [i.e. not automatic reflection of expressions] can be a sign of inattention.

Distraction

The active listener will not be distracted and therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking their fingernails.

See our pages: Non-Verbal Communication, Body Language and Personal Appearance for more information.

Be Aware That:

It is perfectly possible to learn and mimic non-verbal signs of active listening and not actually be listening at all.

It is more difficult to mimic verbal signs of listening and comprehension.

10 tips for active listening

Listening is an important skill in all areas of life, whether you’re supporting a loved one through health problems, dealing with colleagues or in family relationships. But most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think.

When we show we’re really listening, it’s much more rewarding for the person talking to you, and you’ll get more out of it too. This is called active listening, and it can help avoid misunderstanding and reduce the potential for conflict.

Here are 10 easy ways to make your communication more effective and make the other person feel more valued.

What Is Active Listening? How Can I Do It Better?

What Is Active Listening?

Active listening requires you to listen attentively to a speaker, understand what they’re saying, respond and reflect on what’s being said, and retain the information for later. This keeps both listener and speaker actively engaged in the conversation.

The listener may use active listening techniques like paying close attention to the speaker’s behavior and body language in order to gain a better understanding of their message — and may signal that they’re following along with visual cues such as nodding, eye contact, or avoiding potential interruptions, like fidgeting and pacing.

If you want to try growing your active listening skillset and you’re ready totake the active listening challenge,read on!

Using Active Listening to Coach Others Takes Intentional Effort

While important, active listening and reflecting, responding, and giving feedback aren’t always easy. Daily pressures and demands often overtake our work, leaving limited time and energy to focus on slowing down to really listen to, and coach, direct reports.

Yet while time for formal coaching sessions may be limited, you can fit in coaching moments and coaching conversations. The trick is to be an attentive listener and have your toolkit of active listening techniques at the ready for whenever such moments occur.

Unlike critical listening, an active listener is not trying to evaluate the message and offer their own opinion, but rather, to simply make the speaker feel heard and validated.

At CCL, we help leaders go beyond basic active listening skills so that they’re better equipped to truly listen to understand others — including the facts, feelings, and values that may be hidden behind the words actually being shared. At the organizational level, this is how to build a workplace culture of truth and courage.

The Purpose & Benefits of Active Listening

Before we dive into specific active listening techniques and how to improve your active listening skills, it’s important to take a step back and understand why they matter.

First, when a leader engages in active listening, it helps establish trust between both parties, shows empathy for others, and fosters psychological safety. Being a thoughtful listener, asking questions, seeking clarification, and encouraging others to share their perspective and will reinforce your role as a spouse, friend, colleague, coach, and mentor.

Being a strong, attentive listener who can provide effective feedback will also enable you to coach your people more effectively. Your co-workers and direct reports will respect you more, and you’ll likely see improvements in your relationships with them as a result.

Once you begin to put the active listening skillset into practice, you’ll notice the positive impact it has in a number of areas, including in personal and professional relationships, at work, and in various social situations.

Steps

Method 1

Method 1 of 12:

Get rid of distractions.

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   Give the other person your full attention to show respect. When you’re about to have a conversation, put your phone away, turn off the TV, and avoid looking around the room. Set aside anything that you’re working on so you’re not tempted to fidget or lose focus. If you’re in a loud room, see if you can move to somewhere that’s a little quieter so you can avoid the background noise.[1]

   • This goes for mental distractions as well, such as fixating on the speaker’s mannerisms or daydreaming.
   • It’s still okay to have quick, casual conversations from across the room, but move and face the person speaking if you’re talking for a long time.

Method 2

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Maintain eye contact.

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   Look at the other person while they’re speaking so they know you’re focused. It’s okay to look away every now and then, but try to keep most of your focus on the other person’s face. That way, you’ll build a deeper connection and give your undivided attention to them.[2]

   • We know that it can be hard to make eye contact if you’re shy or uncertain, so try focusing on the space between their eyebrows or their mouth. You can even practice making eye contact with yourself in a mirror.[3]
   • In some cultures, it’s taboo and rude to make prolonged eye contact. Learn the customs of who you’re speaking to so you don’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Method 3

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Lean in toward the person.

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   If you slouch back and cross your arms, you come across as disinterested. Instead, lean your body closer to the person speaking so you’re more attentive and can hear them better. Keep your arms at your side to help you look more open and accepting to what they have to say.[4]

   • Stay aware of your body language throughout the conversation and correct your posture if you realize you’re closed off.

Method 4

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Smile and nod.

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   Encourage the other person to keep speaking with simple facial expressions. Be mindful of your facial expressions so you don’t accidentally make it seem like you’re disapproving or disgusted. Instead, offer a kind smile and nod along with what they’re saying to show you understand what they’re saying. With a little bit of encouragement, you’ll make the speaker feel more comfortable about opening up and truly saying what’s on their mind.[5]

   • Make sure your facial expressions match the tone of the conversation. For example, you probably shouldn’t smile if you’re talking about relationship issues or another difficult topic.

Method 5

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Give short verbal affirmations.

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   Saying something like “mmhmm” or “I understand” keeps you engaged. If there’s a brief pause, let the person know you’re listening to them with a short, positive phrase. Be mindful not to speak over the person or interrupt them. The other person will get that you’re understanding them and feel comfortable going deeper into the conversation. Other things you can try saying include:[6]

   • “Okay.”
   • “Go on.”
   • “Oh?”
   • “Then what happened?”

Method 6

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Avoid being judgmental.

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   Let the other person speak their mind so you hear their perspective. Even if you don’t fully agree with the person, don’t let your personal prejudices get in the way of what they’re saying. Rather than rudely putting the speaker down or asserting your opinions, keep an open mind and try to picture things from their point of view. Focus on their perspective of the topic and let them describe their thoughts.[7]

   • Let go of any assumptions you have on the topic and approach the conversation with curiosity. That way, you can be exposed to new points of view you haven’t considered before.
   • Check the person’s body language for any underlying emotions they might be feeling. For example, if the person thought you promised to do chores around the house in the morning and you didn’t do them, they might feel a little upset.

Method 7

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Stop thinking of what to say next.

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   Thinking about your side of the conversation distracts you more. Rather than waiting for your turn to talk, shut out those thoughts until the person is done speaking. Listen completely to the other person until they don’t have anything else to say so you can fully reflect on how they feel about the topic.[8]

   • Try not to get fixated on how you’ll respond to a minor thing the person says. Instead, listen to their entire side of the conversation so you can understand where they’re coming from better.

Method 8

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Let them finish without interruption.

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   Avoid cutting the other person off so you don’t seem rude. Even though you may want to point out something the person says in the moment, hold the thought until they explain everything. If they pause in the middle of a sentence, let them collect their thoughts and finish rather than interjecting. When it’s your turn in the conversation, take everything they said into consideration before bringing up your points.[9]

   • Try not to rush the other person through what they’re saying. Let the person go through the details they want to go over since it might be important to how they’re feeling.

Method 9

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Ask open-ended questions for clarification.

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   Encourage the person to speak more so you can understand them better. Open-ended questions also show that you were listening to the points they were making and that you’re genuinely interested in understanding them. Some questions you can try out include:[10]

   • “What did you mean by that?”
   • “What are some of the other possibilities?”
   • “How else could you explain this?”
   • “What alternatives have you considered?”
   • Be cautious using “why” questions since they might make the other person more defensive. For example, the question “Why would you think that?” could sound like you’re questioning how they feel.[11]

Method 10

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Restate their points in your own words.

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   Repeat things that they’ve said to ensure you’re hearing them correctly. It’s okay if you don’t understand them completely since they’ll be able to correct you while you’re summarizing what they said.[12]

   • For example, you could say, “Let me see if I’m clear about this, you’re upset because I didn’t wash the dishes this morning. Is that correct?”
   • As another example, you could say, “So you’re feeling angry because I made plans this weekend without asking you. Am I understanding that right?”

Method 11

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Validate the other person’s feelings.

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   Show empathy for them to show you really care. It takes a lot of courage to open up and really talk through things, so let the person know that you understand their emotions. Don’t get defensive or try to question them, but instead let them know that their feelings are valid and justified. It doesn’t matter if you fully agree with them, but it still makes the person feel like you care and shows that you listened to what they told you.[13]

   • For example, you could say, “I completely understand why that situation made you frustrated.”
   • As another example, you might tell them, “I sense that you’re upset and that makes complete sense.”

Method 12

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Avoid giving advice.

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   The other person might not be asking for a solution to their problem. Rather than trying to solve the issue the person is going through, just be there to listen and validate their experiences. You don’t need to tell them about a similar experience you’ve been through or offer any help if they aren’t looking for it. Before you give any words of advice, make sure you understand their perspective completely and ask them if they’re looking for helpful responses.[14]

   • For example, you could say, “I understand what you’re saying. Is there anything I can do to help out or did you just want to vent?”

What Is Active Listening?

Likecritical thinkingandproblem-solving, active listening is asoft skillthat’s held in high regard by employers. When interviewing for jobs, using active listening techniques can help show the interviewer how your interpersonal skills can draw people out.

Active listening redirects your focus from what is going on inside of your head to the needs of your prospective employer or interviewer. This technique can help reduce your nervousness during an interview.

By placing your focus, through active listening, squarely upon the interviewer, you prove that you:

• Are interested in the organization’s challenges and successes
• Are ready to help them problem-solve work issues
• Are a team player as opposed to being nothing more than a self-absorbed job candidate.

It’s important to not interrupt, or worse, try to answer the question before you know what the interviewer is asking.

Listen carefully to the interviewer’s questions, ask for clarification if necessary, and wait until the interviewer has finished talking to respond.