How can you apply the 7 listening strategies in your daily life?

The importance of listening in everyday life

February 7, 2020 Fran Board

Our society is crashingly ocular. Technology has given us platforms to broadcast our opinions and we’ve come to prioritise sending over receiving. This is a dangerous mistake, which degrades our listening and our communication.

We’ve seen recently what happens in politics if people can’t or won’t listen. Democracy depends on civilised disagreement, which requires listening to people with whom we disagree and understanding and respecting their perspective. It requires the skill of oratory, the elegant and skilful exposition of an argument in a debate in order to persuade others or explain complex issues.

Increasingly, political discourse is being carried out in soundbites to journalists or even in 280 bombastic characters. People seek out proof’ that they are right on the Internet, collecting views that support theirs and ignoring antithetical ones. This is a recipe for polarisation. The only antidote is skilled conversation and conscious listening.

Increasingly, political discourse is being carried out in soundbites to journalists or even in 280 bombastic characters.

Listening grounds us in our surroundings. Sound has always been my primary connection with the world. In my childhood in South West London we lived by parks and later a river, and I remember listening with wonder at night to the sound of gentle summer rain outside my window, or looking up in woodland walks and being transported by the sound of wind rustling lush Spring leaves together in rich, fascinating waves. Nowadays we spend most of our time in urban environments, bombarded by man-made noise. It’s no wonder we find it hard to listen when we spend most of our time trying to suppress unwanted sound.

Listening is also the key to communication. If you want to make a difference in the world, or to be a great parent, or to have a brilliant relationship, or to lead and inspire people, or to be a real friend, or to be a star salesperson, or change the way people think forever, listening is the most important skill.

I’m not just talking about hearing – it’s one thing to simply acknowledge what another is saying, but it’s a different thing altogether to process it, relate to it, and understand it… Listening connects us to others and connectedness has been shown to be the key to human happiness. Our human connections and relationships matter far more to us and our wellbeing than money, or fame, or material possessions.

We urgently need to reclaim the art of listening. However, if we look to traditional education, there is little or no infrastructure to help us. Very few schools teach listening in any serious way, and no countries that I know of have national curricula with exams in this vital life skill. The good news is that listening is a skill. And, like any other skill, it can be learned and nurtured. The key to improving our listening begins with consciousness, and in my TED talk I suggest some simple exercises to improve your listening skills.

We urgently need to reclaim the art of listening.

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How to Use Effective Listening Skills in Real Life

Communication Basics / Communication skills

Neha was taught that the more she speaks in a group discussion, the better her chances would be of getting selected. In her eagerness to speak, she caught the wrong end of the bark and blabbered totally irrelevant things about the topic given.

Ashish only ends up drawing doodles in every meeting while his bosses drone away to glory. He couldn’t be bothered to listen to what his seniors have to say. As a result, he ended up being in a team that wasn’t his choice.

Sam is a great salesman. But he finds that when he tries to explain things to his customers even before they have asked for it, it annoys them. Most of them tell him, “Listen to me, first”. He can’t understand what is there to listen when he is the one who knows everything about the product.

Any of the above sounds familiar? Well! Listening is not really a skill we consider important. We naturally interact with people to talk to them. We are constantly thinking of what to say next while we pretend to listen. But in real life, the pretense could cost careers in many cases.

Let’s examine the above scenarios to see how they could be dealt with throughbetter listening skills.

Listening in group discussions

In Neha’s case, had she patiently listened to others, she could have figured out the correct context of the topic. But launching into her own understanding cost her a seatin that B school.

Listening is equally important in a GD

Listening is one of the skills that is assessed in a group discussion. You are likely to speak for a few minutes and expected to be a good listener for the rest of the time. Listening skills are important in a group discussion for the following reasons:

1. It is a misconception that the person who speaks the most gets selected. On the contrary, this belief only leads to a fish market situation. If you notice, it is only a good listener who can make sense in the melee and restore order by taking over at the end of the commotion.

2. Listening skills come in handywhen you are clueless about the topic. Don’t go by yet another misconception that the person who initiates gets more points. It is better to patiently listen to others and understand the topic than to initiate it an inapt manner. Listening to other group members will give you enough material to frame your points and speak.

3. Good listening skills also help you keep track of the path the discussion is taking. You can use this if asked to summarise the discussion at the end.

4. A good listener will not just listen but also comprehend and analyse the points raised in a GD. You will have a better understanding of the perspectives than the others who only nod but not really listen.

You can find the basics of listening skills here.We will now look at how to apply them in a GD scenario.

1. Practice active listening: During a group discussion, give undivided attention to the speaker and don’t play with your writing material or look at the panel instead. Don’t let your mind wander to your list of points and how you want to put them across. When you are listening, just focus on that. You should be able to do this with a little practice.

2. Respond to the speaker: In a GD, make sure that your body language is positive and your facial expressions show your interest in what is being said. You can convey comprehension by beginning with a comment like, “I appreciate your point and agree that…”

3. Suspend judgement: Make sure that you listen to the speaker till the end and not give in to your preconceived notions. Don’t shut yourself to others’ views and be open to what they have to say.

4. Listen well to speak well: In a discussion, you will be better equipped to make a valuable contribution when you listen carefully and know when to speak. You can demonstrate your listening skills by placing your point in the context of what was said just before you. For instance, “I understand my friend is not quite happy with the new law, but I feel the good part is…”. If you do not listen properly and are in a hurry to just blurt out your point, you will only sound disjointed and make no sense in the context.

When you practice group discussions for your placement or graduate school selection, make sure that you put the above points into practice.

Listening in the corporate world

Listening is an important skill in the corporate world. Unfortunately, we aren’t good listeners and have to make an effort to get good at listening on the job.

Maintain eye contact to help you listen better

We have already spoken about barriers to listeningbut there a few barriers specific to the work scenarios and I’d like to revisit them here.

Internal barriers: Ego, insecurity, close-mindedness, restlessness – a whole range of emotions can be barriers to effective listening in a work environment. Speaking is considered to be a more productive activitythan listening. We are insecure about having to stay quiet and listen. It feels like we aren’t contributing constructively.

Cultural barriers: Accent, vocabulary, customs, language, ethnicity, assumptions about people, differing work cultures – a lot of factors can affect our perception and listening in culturally diverse work environments. We may be affected by an informal work culture where we are used to taking formally dressed people more seriously.

Barriers due to the speaker: This is probably the most common barrier in a work place. Our perceptions about people – positive or negative – affects our listening. Assuming that the boss willhave nothing important to say or hanging on to every word of your team mate are all unhealthy practice in listening. Active listening is about lending your ear equally to everyone.

What can you do?

I have picked up a few most important things that you can do to become better listeners.

Make notes so that you can easily summarise

Make notes: This could be mental notes or jotting down points on a notepad before you. Remember, this does not mean making copious notes which will anyways take your focus off the listener. Writing a word or two about points being spoken about help you keep track of what is being said making it easier to focus.

Summarize: This is the best way to figure out if you got it right and eliminates any chances of miscommunication. Whenever possible, make sure you summarize to the speaker to understand any gaps in your understanding.

Look for others’ body language: It is equally important to understand other people’s body language when you speak. This helps look for people who may not be attentive, but only pretending to be so.

Listening to customers

Whether you are in sales or handle customer service/complaints, listening is going to be one of your key skills

Be attentive when your customer talks

I often have relationship managers from my bank or my phone company coming up with products and services that I might be interested in. I know it’s their job to push products. But if they do a good listening job, they should be able to sense my level of interest. Rather, my disinterest. But I find them pushing it nonetheless.

Similarly, I have rarely found people who know the art of listening when an angry customer calls them up or shows up at their door. And if I have ever come across someone who could gauge the purpose of my visit when I had complaints, things have actually become easier and I never have had to actually yell! That’s the power of just patiently lending your ear to someone.

Here are a couple of things that you can use to score with your customers:

Really listen to them: Make it a point to keep quietduring your conversation with the customer and let him talk. You may find this wonderful pieceuseful in gauging how good a listener you are during your sales calls. When a customer is disgruntled or irate, listening is your only saving grace is calming him down.

Cut out distractions: Listening to a customer with all your attention is the key to winning over them in any situation. Use your basic knowledge of listening skills and look out for signals in body language, facial expression to understand his message better.

Use your own body language: This is even more critical while listening. Your assured body language – nodding, leaning forward a little – will boost the customer’s confidence in you and will help share all his concerns.

Listening is as important in communication as speaking.I have presented their importance for admissions andon the job. You can use these tips to improve your listening skills for any scenario. Believe me! Good listeners are always in demand!

Suggested activity: The next time someone talks to you, make it a point to leave whatever you are doing and look at them. Maintaining eye contact helps focus on the listener. You may also try to make mental notes about the points your hear. This will set you on track to respond better and also clarify/summarize later.

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1. Look the Speaker in the Eyes

This shows that you’re being attentive and actually care about what they are saying. By no means should you engage in other activities like texting, reading, writing or gazing at the television. Stay focused on the conversation at hand and nod accordingly to let the person know you’re getting what they’re saying.

2. Avoid Interrupting and Wait to Interject at the Right Time

Let the speaker finish their point. Wait for a pause to interject or ask for more clarity. A big mistake would be to jump in with an interruption, ask a question or make a comment before the speaker is done speaking. This can be very frustrating and can cause the speaker to lose sight of what they were trying to say. Interruptions can create a wall between the speaker and listener, making it hard to communicate successfully.

Why is listening so important in life and at work?

Listening is a key component of effectivecommunication skills.

Without listening, you can’t understand what other people are really trying to say. It’s easy to get something wrong and make assumptions.

On the other hand, when you actively listen, you can fully communicate with someone else.

Listening is the most important part of communication. That’s because it allows you to come up with a substantial and meaningful response. You can pick up on subtleties you wouldn’t have otherwise,especially with body language.

If something isn’t clear, you can ask clarifying questions. This is something you might not have done without active listening.

At work, communication is an important soft skill. According to LinkedIn's 2019 Global Talent Trends report, 80% of companies say that soft skills are increasingly important to their success.

Listening is also important forproductive collaboration.

According to the same LinkedIn report, collaboration is the third most important soft skill companies need.

Imagine trying to collaborate if you can’t actively listen to your colleagues. Information gets lost, and misunderstandings occur.

The same can happen if everyone on the team uses different levels of listening. Some people will be more engaged than others. Not everyone will get the same understanding of the same conversation.

You can avoid this if everyone actively listens to each other.

Plus, when you actively listen, your colleagues and your superiors will notice that you come up with meaningful responses.

Listening is also crucial if you want to learn effectively.

Without attentive listening, it can be easy to miss small details that make a difference in your learning.

Active listening games

You can improve team communication with active listening games.

In one such game, you and your colleagues can split up into groups of two. The first person in each group is given a picture, while the other person is given a pen and paper.

The second participant needs to ask questions in order to accurately draw the image the first participant is holding.

In another game, participants need to mime non-verbal cues to express their feelings about a topic. The other participants need to write down what they believe the other person feels.

Finally, you can practice active listening by having all participants listen to one person speak for three to five minutes. During this time, no other participants may speak. Afterwards, the other participants need to paraphrase what they think the other person said.

Listening is important because..

Tengku Badariah

Tengku Badariah

Business Consultant [Freelance]

Published Aug 29, 2016

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Listening skills are extremely important. For meaningful and fruitful interactions, conversations and communications, it always pays to be a good listener. Here are some of the key reasons for ‘listening’ being so important:….

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” ~ Bernard M. Baruch

“Did you hear what I say?”
“Yeah”
“What did I say?”
“Can your say it again…I wasn’t listening..”

Ask any parent or school teacher, it takes lots of effort to get your point across, or get some-one’s undivided attention. The fact is, listening skill is not that simple, or natural. Our mind always tends to wander off. It takes a conscious effort to be a good listener. Now, we all know some good talkers in our families and friends who always have something to say. However, good talkers are not always good communicators. In fact, listening is equally, if not more, important for effective communications.

The listening skills are very important for anyone who is serious about personal development and improving the communications skills.Listening is even more important if English [or the language of conversation] is not your mother tongue.
Here are some of the key benefits of being a good listener:

1. Key to communication: Listening is important part of any conversation. It helps to better understand the view point of the other party or the speaker. More than halfof the conversation or communication is paying attention to and understanding the other side.

2. Shows maturity and respect: It shows maturity and respect to the speaker or the other parties involved in the conversation. Constantly interrupting without listening never leads to a meaningful and enlightening conversation.

3. The healing power: Most of us generally have a friend or family member that we can call whenever we need to vent or express any frustration. It is generally someone who is willing to ‘listen’ to us and put-up with our emotional out-pour or complaining even if he or she has nothing to do with the situation. It is not that we desperately need advice; sometimes, we just need someone who can ‘listen’ to us. A good listener can always provide emotional support and has a healing power; it is a god sent gift to be a good listener. The gift of listening certainly deserves more credit than it receives in our daily lives.

4. Resolves issues: Good listening helps with resolving issues. Many of the problems can be solved by understanding the viewpoints of everybody involved.

5. Builds relationship: Communication is the basis of any relationship. Active and effective listening helps with communicating and as a result, leads to better relationships and friendships.

6. Career enhancement: A good listening skill at work-place is very important. It helps establish positive working relationships with bosses, clients, as well as colleagues at work. Good listening can helps us establish a good image and help separate us from average contributors.

7. Personal development:Better listening leads to a more complete day-to-day life. A good listener always comes across as a wise person, who can understand and empathize with others. The good listening skills leads to more meaningful relations and less frustrating situations in our daily life.

In summary, listening skills are extremely important – both in personal and professional life. For meaningful and fruitful day-to-day interactions, conversations and communications, it always pays to be a good listener.
Now, how to be a good listener, you ask! here are some related posts.